Your tits are I can't wait for
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
