I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
