Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
