you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
