What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
