Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
