my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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