I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize