I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
