im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
