At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
