i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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