I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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