when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she looked like the before picture.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
