I wish i was in the wii world.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was CRYING into my vagina
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
