I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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