allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it hurts more in the daytime
smell my finger.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
