Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
