I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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