shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
