Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
