I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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