Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize