she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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