i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
