i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
