take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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