Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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