I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
