Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
