i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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