I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
There are leaves in my underwear?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
