You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize