Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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