Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
