the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
