matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
