Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
