She's JV to your varsity
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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