I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
