Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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