i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
