I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
