What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
