Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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