I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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