Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she looked like the before picture.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I need to sanitize my soul.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
