something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
