I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Four minutes until I can fart!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
