Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
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