so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
