So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Farmville is her only friend.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
