He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
