Im at strip club and am horny
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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