I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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