So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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