Say something about gay babies.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This toilet bowl is my home.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
