I CAN MOONWALK!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
