non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My ass is underappreciated
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
