I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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