I hate your face
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
