I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
