I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
