i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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