Jerry, you need to find god
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
