they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
