Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize