so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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