He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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