Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
