He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
