somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize