Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
